Day 11 – Which Am I?

As Nouwen studied the painting he wondered which of the characters was operating in his life: the younger son – full of the excitement of an explorer, leaving home in search of his true identity, and yet squandering his money on loose living and having to return in shame to his father; the older son – faithful to his father and to the family farm, yet resenting his role and longing for the welcoming touch of his father; or the father – the one who receives others with grace and love, and whose role is to embrace the lost and comfort them.

At first glance, I see I have lived this past year as the prodigal son. I’ve lived freely without the constraints of a full time job. I’ve visited far off lands and people: New York City; the Sudan, Africa; and the Toronto area of Canada. At times I am haunted by the thought that I may have squandered resources of time and money without much of a result. I’ve wandered in and out of sink with God. I remember resting in the comfort of His embrace like the younger son and other times where I stood at a distance from Him, remaining aloof, feeling detached like the older son.

A few months ago I saw a t-shirt that said, “I need Africa more than Africa needs me.” That is one truth I have learned this year from visiting that multifarious land. It is a similar truth that I am relearning about God and from which I have drifted.